I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
