Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize