We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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