I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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