I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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