there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
