I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize