my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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