i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
