Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
