my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
