Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
