just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
