I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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