Your tits are I can't wait for
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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