I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize