I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
