I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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