So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
its liver damage thursday
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
