im drinking this country out of the recession.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
