Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
