i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
