How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
