Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
