I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
