Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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