he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
