Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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