I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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