dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize