I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
