I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think my vagina is haunted
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
