YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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