Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
