We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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