this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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