the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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