Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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