Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
