You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
your like the ambassador to my penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
