I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize