let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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