Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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