You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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