Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
