im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
