help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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