He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
