Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
