i think my mom watched the whole time
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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