you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
