I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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