Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
