last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
