Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
