I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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