I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
