my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
