I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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