who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
