The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
