Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
