It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
