Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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