There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
