Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I AM VODKA MAN
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
