I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
