I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
