i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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